When The Generals Fight …
By John Ukah August 22, 2011
This message is sponsored by the National Association of Nigerian Septuagenarians (NANS). This association is not to be mistaken for the National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS). Our association coordinates the activities of senior citizens between 70 and 80 years old. We do acknowledge that aging is an inexorable ride to child-like ways. But our motto has always been to age gracefully.
It has come to the attention of this August body that two eminent members are having a brawl on the pages of national newspapers and we wish to use this medium to call them to order. The distinguished members are Ibrahim Badamosi Babangida, aka IBB, ‘Evil Genius’, Maradona. He is a former army chief and self-styled military president of Nigeria from August 27, 1985 to August 27, 1993. He is famous for his cultured, gap-toothed smile which can be interpreted in so many different ways. The other member is Matthew Aremu Olusegun Obasanjo, Chairman of the Board of Trustees of the PDP, former military Head of State and civilian President, fondly called Baba Iyabo by friends, enemies and associates. Members of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) refer to him as the Father of modern Nigeria. He is also popularly known as OBJ.
It is our considered opinion that the verbal exchanges between OBJ and IBB are most likely the provocations of joint pains from their aging limbs or the bile of friendship gone sour. Whichever it is, we urge all parties in the conflict including their footmen and those with “waka pass” sycophancy roles in the drama to sheathe their swords. The nation has enjoyed the distractive diatribe but as the President, Goodluck Ebelemi Jonathan, said to Boko Haram,”Enough is Enough!” That didn’t stop Boko Haram but we know that our dear Generals know that rules must be obeyed before complaining. Stoic calmness and dignity may be all that is left to hang onto at 70 years of age especially with leaky plumbing.
Soon these members will be graduating to the National Association of Nigerian Octogenarians (NANO). This body is not to be mistaken for the moribund and amnesia prone National Association of Nigerian Oldies (NANO). The latter association has virtually been on a life support machine since its inception. Not surprisingly the body claims that Matthew Aremu Olusegun Obasanjo is also their member. But we know our own. Our association also wishes to state that we miss with fondness, the forthright days of our son, Dr. Reuben Abati. At such troubling times, he would have served us a hot dish of this evolving drama garnished with humour and incisive commentaries with a seasoned analysis of the dramatis personae. Alas, Dr. Reuben Abati has now started speaking in confounding riddles from Aso Rock Villa.
That’s however a slight digression. This message is from the National Association of Nigerian Septuagenarians (NANS). It is not to be mistaken for the comatose National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS). But it seems that we have already clearly established that. Do bear with us because as septuagenarians, old age makes us repeat ourselves unnecessarily. The verbal altercation between these two eminent members has brought disrepute to this honourable association and we will not hide our grey head in the sand like the ostrich while this continues. This verbal spat has almost degenerated to a naked dance in the market place and is totally unacceptable. There is an adage that an elder does not remain silent while the goat gives birth in tethers.
The last time any member brought such disgrace and public odium to the association was when the then Resident Electoral Commissioner of Ekiti State, Mrs. Ayoka Adebayo ran rings around the electorate and succumbed to announcing results with glaring irregularities. The 74-years old Mrs. Ayoka Adebayo, was subsequently rewarded by the Presidency with another appointment as Resident Electoral Commissioner and posted by the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) to Ondo State.
The implications of the vituperation between these eminent members are far-reaching. The Nigerian Labour Congress (NLC) has consistently advocated for the extension of the retirement age of workers beyond the current 60 years bar. The drum beat of the agitations became more pronounced with the review of the retirement age for judges and university lecturers from 65 years to 70 years. But as we observe such cranky and embarrassing verbal tirades between these “elder statesmen”, it calls to question the wisdom of such extension. Even the Bible prescribes that the days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away. It seems then that cerebral decline possibly sets in for some citizens as they attain the age of 70.
But this reputable association has not failed to note that we may have also contributed unwittingly on our part to this sordid drama. These are members who were hyperactive in their younger days. From their own admissions, accusations and counter accusations, sifting the wheat from the chaff of sometimes utter drivel, their happiest days were the moments of coup plotting. They also engaged in numerous misdemeanours – that’s putting it mildly. The litanies of accusations include sabotaging the economy, state-sponsored killings, incest, murder, senility and foolishness. We do not therefore expect that in retirement they will sit idly twiddling their thumbs. We have now introduced, at the septuagenarian club, energy sapping games and activities to keep our members occupied. These games include ‘hide and seek’, ‘follow the leader’ and ‘vigorous skipping’. To also avoid unnecessary arguments, we have developed using local raw materials, an indigenous device that measures foolishness. We have called it the ‘foolhardy calibrating device’. It measures imbecility and foolishness in decibels when foolish words are spoken into it. So far, the decibels have been resoundingly loud in the current face-off between the Generals.
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